Tuesday
Today, I went to the doctor and got my dressing off. And the excursion tired me out so much I spent the rest of the day in bed.
When I woke up, Heather had emailed me (the one I wrote the personal story for), and she said a lot of people had responded and felt inspired and were ready to give it a go. So yay!
She and I also talked offline about one woman in particular who's struggling with her weight. Or rather, the image of her weight. She's NOT overweight. And Heather was questioning whether Whole 30 was right for her. I had to admit, I don't think it's a cure for everything.
Body image/self-image . . . those are things I spent a year in therapy getting over. Even when I was significantly thinner, I still felt like I needed to lose weight. I've never been happy. And that had more to do with my relationship with myself than my relationship with food.
That said, there are a few things that I acknowledge Whole 30 is helping me do.
My relationship with wine. I didn’t realize how I was letting myself become dependent on it. Fortunately, it hadn’t gotten to the point where I felt a physical craving or felt sick I didn’t have any. But psychologically, I preferred it in the evenings over anything. I knew it was bad when I came home one night, poured a glass of red wine that had been left over from a party the previous week. It tasted pretty disgusting and vinegary … and I drank it anyway!
My impulse /boredom eating. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in my office working, only to hear that there was food in the break room. Didn’t matter what it was, breakfast, edible bouquets, leftover lunch, cookies, cake. I’d go get some. Even when I didn’t feel hungry in that moment. It was CAKE! I no longer have a desire to eat sweets just because they’re there. And I’m hoping when I suddenly have “permission” to do so again, I’ll be able to calmly decide “do I really want that or am I considering it only because it’s in front of me right now?”
Identifying foods that cause stomach upset or other symptoms. I’ve never not eaten anything, so I’m curious to learn if the things I used to eat affect me at all. Things I formerly considered healthy and good for me. Cheese, quinoa, black beans, brown rice, etc. I don’t know. We’ll see.
Eating remorse: There are times when I overindulge, compared to my normal eating habits. Vacations, girls’ nights out, anytime I go out for fondue. And then I spend days contemplating why I did that, and beating myself up for killing my progress (especially if I was down a pound or two that week). Going forward, I want to be able to say, Yes, I’m going to have a full plate of Japanese stir fry, including the fried rice, because the new Volcano restaurant is coming to Kennesaw and I heard it’s awesome. And I’m going to have it a glass of wine with it, too – and not feel bad about it when I do. It’ll be a choice I make, and I’ll evaluate the consequences and decide if it’s something I want to do again. But I won’t feel guilty about my choice.
Overall body health and evaluation. I’ve never given myself credit for anything other than what the numbers on the scale read. I’ve known there were some days I felt cranky, sad or anxious. Other days I broke out in zits. Other days I felt bloated and couldn’t hold my stomach in if my life depended on it. Other days where no matter what I put on, it looked like shit. Most days I was achy, and creaky and stiff and had tennis elbow for no reason and got tired in the middle of the day. But I never tied any of it back to food. I attributed it all to getting older. Now that I’m not experiencing those things, it stands to reason that maybe it IS because of food. And I’m glad I now have another lens through which I can examine myself, and for once, be happy about what I see.
Weight maintenance: I’m excited to know that can eat real food (even avocados and real butter), and still maintain a healthy weight. I eat very satisfying meals, and they keep me full longer than my old meals used to. At the end of 30 days, I’ll be curious to see what the scale says, but going forward, I’ll probably just use the way my clothes fit and how I look in the mirror, instead of what’s on the scale.
Today, I went to the doctor and got my dressing off. And the excursion tired me out so much I spent the rest of the day in bed.
When I woke up, Heather had emailed me (the one I wrote the personal story for), and she said a lot of people had responded and felt inspired and were ready to give it a go. So yay!
She and I also talked offline about one woman in particular who's struggling with her weight. Or rather, the image of her weight. She's NOT overweight. And Heather was questioning whether Whole 30 was right for her. I had to admit, I don't think it's a cure for everything.
Body image/self-image . . . those are things I spent a year in therapy getting over. Even when I was significantly thinner, I still felt like I needed to lose weight. I've never been happy. And that had more to do with my relationship with myself than my relationship with food.
That said, there are a few things that I acknowledge Whole 30 is helping me do.
My relationship with wine. I didn’t realize how I was letting myself become dependent on it. Fortunately, it hadn’t gotten to the point where I felt a physical craving or felt sick I didn’t have any. But psychologically, I preferred it in the evenings over anything. I knew it was bad when I came home one night, poured a glass of red wine that had been left over from a party the previous week. It tasted pretty disgusting and vinegary … and I drank it anyway!
My impulse /boredom eating. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in my office working, only to hear that there was food in the break room. Didn’t matter what it was, breakfast, edible bouquets, leftover lunch, cookies, cake. I’d go get some. Even when I didn’t feel hungry in that moment. It was CAKE! I no longer have a desire to eat sweets just because they’re there. And I’m hoping when I suddenly have “permission” to do so again, I’ll be able to calmly decide “do I really want that or am I considering it only because it’s in front of me right now?”
Identifying foods that cause stomach upset or other symptoms. I’ve never not eaten anything, so I’m curious to learn if the things I used to eat affect me at all. Things I formerly considered healthy and good for me. Cheese, quinoa, black beans, brown rice, etc. I don’t know. We’ll see.
Eating remorse: There are times when I overindulge, compared to my normal eating habits. Vacations, girls’ nights out, anytime I go out for fondue. And then I spend days contemplating why I did that, and beating myself up for killing my progress (especially if I was down a pound or two that week). Going forward, I want to be able to say, Yes, I’m going to have a full plate of Japanese stir fry, including the fried rice, because the new Volcano restaurant is coming to Kennesaw and I heard it’s awesome. And I’m going to have it a glass of wine with it, too – and not feel bad about it when I do. It’ll be a choice I make, and I’ll evaluate the consequences and decide if it’s something I want to do again. But I won’t feel guilty about my choice.
Overall body health and evaluation. I’ve never given myself credit for anything other than what the numbers on the scale read. I’ve known there were some days I felt cranky, sad or anxious. Other days I broke out in zits. Other days I felt bloated and couldn’t hold my stomach in if my life depended on it. Other days where no matter what I put on, it looked like shit. Most days I was achy, and creaky and stiff and had tennis elbow for no reason and got tired in the middle of the day. But I never tied any of it back to food. I attributed it all to getting older. Now that I’m not experiencing those things, it stands to reason that maybe it IS because of food. And I’m glad I now have another lens through which I can examine myself, and for once, be happy about what I see.
Weight maintenance: I’m excited to know that can eat real food (even avocados and real butter), and still maintain a healthy weight. I eat very satisfying meals, and they keep me full longer than my old meals used to. At the end of 30 days, I’ll be curious to see what the scale says, but going forward, I’ll probably just use the way my clothes fit and how I look in the mirror, instead of what’s on the scale.
- Breakfast: Fruit and veggie smoothie, hard-boiled egg
- Lunch: Chinese takeout - Sizzling rice soup (without the rice)
- Snack: Mandarin orange, Rx bar
- Dinner: Baked lemon chicken and red potatoes, sugar snap peas and cherry tomatoes
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I just read this post and the one from Monday, and I'm sitting here processing. Kim, you and I have had so many of the same issues with food and feeling we weren't thin enough! I never got into counting calories or points (I always said I was just too lazy for all that looking up and calculating), but I did once do the Atkins diet and cut out carbs nearly completely for a month or so. And it was tough, but I did lose weight. I gained it back, of course, and then some. A few years later, at my highest weight to that point from a lot of stress-eating, I got divorced, then moved and started a new job. As the job grew to take over most of my life, I reverted to my old "single girl" habits of either getting take-out or eating a Lean Cuisine entree, cereal, popcorn, or a bowl of pasta for lunch and/or dinner. I didn't eat much, or frequently, but I wasn't eating particularly healthy. And I liked my wine! However, during the summers, my work schedule would lighten up, and I found time for lots of walking - often 6 to 8 miles at a time, a few times a week, with shorter distances on weekends - and that really helped get my weight back down. Then I left that job, moved away from my walking partner, and got married, and, well.... my husband and I like going out for dinner, eating take-out, and enjoying fun foods like nachos, pizza, and desserts, and we don't like taking a long time to make meals. We started having brown rice or brown pasta as a side dish far too often when we cooked, and hardly ever any veggies or salad. And cheese became one of my favorite things, both on rice/pasta and as a snack. Other favorite snacks were popcorn, crackers, granola bars, or sweets like cookies, Christmas candy, Easter candy, Halloween candy, and in the evenings, sometimes wine in place of a snack.... I see now how I was overloading my body with glucose. I was frequently hungry, probably because I rarely got proper nourishment.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently on Day 19 of my Whole 30. I definitely am feeling better than I did before starting this, especially after dinner, when I often had digestive upset and stomach pain or acid reflux. Those issues went away fairly quickly. I also have more energy. I'd been complaining about feeling lethargic and having no energy for quite a while, so that's a big improvement. The swelling in my ankles that decreased significantly within the first few days has not come back, which I'm loving! My clothes are fitting looser, which I hope will be a good head start on getting rid of some excess weight. As for my aches and pains, those are still there - lower back pain, occasional knee pain - but I'm hopeful that losing some weight will help take care of those.
My biggest challenge, aside from reintroducing grains, dairy, and other foods in a way that won't upset my system too much in a few weeks, is likely going to be controlling my cravings for sweets. I still have the cravings, even now. However, I have learned how not to snack in the evenings (definitely my weak time) and how to distract myself from cravings, so I hope that new habits will stick. I also have a much better understanding of healthy eating now, along with having gained some skills in making my own tasty sauces and new dishes, and even an appreciation for some new foods, and I think those things will continue to benefit me. But I think the biggest thing I've gained is some belief in my ability to make better decisions about food. I had felt so powerless and unhealthy and controlled by a daily cycle of cravings and snacks, and I was so, so sick of it, so frustrated that the control and discipline and willpower I thought I needed kept eluding me. I'm learning what my body really requires and that I can, in fact, eat healthier without feeling starved (okay, sometimes I do get hungry in the afternoons or evenings, but it's usually when I haven't eaten much of a meal). Like most habits, it takes time to learn what to do and how to do it and remember to do it consistently.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, thank you, Kim! I hope you are healing up well and that the next few weeks go quickly and painlessly!
I'm so proud of you, Tina! I know how hard it is, especially when you're living with someone who's not on the same stringent plan. Tony is a sugarholic, if I've ever seen one. But he's got a totally different metabolism, and for every pound that he gains, I probably would gain ten. While I don't get cravings for anything anymore, I can still tell I have tendencies to over-do, especially if something tastes really, really good. So I'll have to be careful about that and make sure that I'm actually responding to hunger, and not just mindlessly stuffing my face.
ReplyDelete